The Concise Guide to Great Sex: Part 3C - Variations, Tips, & Tricks
Read the previous installments of this series here:
Words of Seduction
Love truly has no language.
It isn't uncommon for two backpackers from different countries--both of whom cannot verbally communicate--to suddenly find themselves betwixt the sheets in their hostel.
Yet, sexy talk doesn't require you to speak the same language either.
It's just a different experience.
You're American and your lover is French?
Take a peek inside our favorite French phrasebook to see what we mean.
It may prove to be an excellent companion on your journey to Gay Par-ee.
But let's say you both speak the same language?
Fasten your seat belt, you're about to find out...
Romantically-inclined words build tension.
That's what they're there for.
They're there to build even more pressure before the eventual... climax.
Intuitively, you probably already know what to say.
It's okay to feel a little 'goofy' or 'cheesy' when saying these aloud.
Everyone feels that way.
If feeling uncomfortable gets the best of you, starting out over text should help you ease into it. We'll have more on that below.
Here are some of our favorites to get you going.
"Get on your knees, now."
"Ask for permission before you cum… I want to hear you beg for it"
"You make me so hard/wet."
"I want you to cum for me."
"I want you to cum all over me."
"I want you to cum inside of me."
“I’ve been imagining what I'm going to do to you tonight all day long.”
"Just lie back and let me take care of you."
We'll write out a full-length post on this later, but for now, we highly recommend you check out these articles below in our 'Dirty Talk' subsection if you'd like to add some more 'done-for-you' sexiness to your verbal repertoire.
Some of these are geared towards women, so just swap out and replace them with whatever pronouns you prefer.
I Love You
At some point in your relationships, you may be expected to say the "L-Word."
You know the one.
It has eight letters and three syllables.
And it's actually a phrase, not just a word.
Saying 'I love you' can ultimately accelerate or end a sexual relationship.
So it isn't something you typically want to be dropping willy nilly unless special circumstances permit it.
While you're now probably wondering what business a sex toy site has writing about the topic of love and where we're going with this, we'll now explain.
If you choose to say I love you, understand that people want to feel that YOU feel in love with them on an emotional level.
Not because they're a hot piece of ass, even if they are.
In other words, if/when you drop the "L-Bomb," you can expect a tidal wave of emotion that will physically manifest itself into sexy-times.
It is an important phrase in the realm of sex and seduction.
Everyone's got one or two that speak to them the most.
If you're not sure what yours is, there are plenty of quizzes you can take online.
We won't link to a specific one since there are too many to count, but we'd recommend taking at least two or three different ones to make sure you're getting accurate results.
Likewise, encourage whoever you're having sexual encounters with to also find out for themselves what their love language is.
Once established, you'll be able to tap into an area of arousal that many people are unfortunately clueless about.
Physical touch is you/your partner's love language?
I don't think we need to explain how to fulfill those desires.
Perhaps a pair of cuffs with a naughty note and some instructions.
Moving on to our next subsection...
We touched on this a bit earlier regarding sexy sentences.
While overlapping, dirty talk is different.
For example, "I'm gonna cum all over your face you hot, dirty slut!"
Most people enjoy dirty talk, but always be considerate.
Everyone's 'inner-kink' is a little different, and sometimes getting called a whore can rub some people the wrong way.
Below, you'll find the aforementioned examples of sexy sentences and dirty phrases to try out for yourself:
Dirty Talk: The Ultimate Guide For Beginners - Our Favorite
Letters & Post-it Notes
As the old saying goes, "The pen is mightier than the penis."
Don't quote us on that one.
A post-it note or cocktail napkin is an ingenious way to show your lover that you impulsively thought of them, and couldn't resist writing a word or two.
What's sexier than knowing that someone is ruminating over their love affair with you?
Small, unplanned notes of affection like this can truly make someone's day and make them feel special.
A text message will suffice as well, but it won't have quite the same impact as the written word.
Things like this take less than five seconds to do and can illustrate deep affection--and can provide an outlet for some daytime foreplay.
Nowadays everything we get in the mail is boring.
Sales letters, seasonal catalogs, and occasionally a refund from the IRS.
We'll admit, that last one can be exciting.
But what doesn't say that I'm really thinking about you than a good ol' fashioned letter?
They're clear, succinct, and serious.
First of all, they stand out.
Next to no one writes letters today.
Secondly, every serious form of communication is by letter.
That's why the IRS doesn't give you phonecalls.
Some sexy food for thought.
So put that pen to paper and start charging your prostate massager.
You'll need it later.
The Power of E-Messaging
Here we go.
Love it or hate it, sexting is more important than you realize.
Without fail, you'll find that one hundred percent of the time whenever someone in a relationship is cheated-on, the 'cheater' engaged in very suggestive and flirtatious internet messaging.
Whether that be via text, Snapchat, email, or what have you.
What's this mean?
Everyone, and we mean EVERYONE, loves sexy instant messaging.
Don't get us wrong here, we are NOT suggesting that you send out pictures that will bite you in the ass later in life if they get leaked.
In fact, we highly encourage you to AVOID that behavior at all costs.
But there is nothing wrong with using text messaging to amplify the foreplay of events soon to come--if you catch our drift.
Moreover, if you feel any discomfort whatsoever with the possibility of someone else reading the messages you're sending, then it is perfectly fine to disregard this section completely.
Furthermore, if that is a worrying possibility, it may be worth asking yourself why you feel that way.
In other words, maybe the person you're messaging is bad news and someone you should not be sending explicit messages to in the first place.
We're not your parents, so this isn't meant to sound condescending in any way, we just love our customers.
When and Where
The best sexting happens either before meet-ups or incidentally.
Bored at lunch?
Maybe see what you-know-who is up to?
Sitting at a mundane dinner across the room from each other?
It may be time to liven things up.
This is where it gets interesting.
There are a million and one things you can do here, and we'll outline some basic ideas below.
You can thank Athol Kay for these.
Change your name
...in their phone.
A common tactic used by middle schoolers on their crush, snag your lover's phone while they're away or make up an excuse to use it.
When they're not looking, make your way to their contacts folder and make your move.
Emoji's always fit the bill here.
Ask what they're wearing
...and see where that opener takes you.
What's sexier than sexting?
Sexting in a different language.
"Ce soir, je veux baiser comme des lapins!"
Who doesn't remember playing this game on the playground?
Here's how you play the 'adult' version.
Text your lover:
"Simon Says, text that you are IN to playing Simon Says."
Assuming you get an, "IN," in response, it's time to have some fun.
Simon says remove an article of clothing.
Simon says to rub your nipples
Simon says to turn the lights down low.
Simon says to see who is at the front door.
You get the picture!
We recommend that you start simple and then slowly begin to make your requests more daring.
...and have fun!
What's the point of doing any of this in the first place?
Pretend your two different characters messaging each other from a movie.
Make up a code language.
The options are endless.
Last but not least...
If you choose to sext, please, please, PLEASE, always check who the message is going to BEFORE you hit send.
You must make this a habit.
The last thing you want is your boss to receive a picture of your O-Face.
Depending on the relationship you find yourself in--lover, fuck buddy, spouse--dating may or may not be an activity that's on the table.
How, then, can dating improve your sex life?
Let's find out.
If you're in a longterm relationship, going out once per week should be the minimum you shoot for.
Now, this does not mean you have to have some elaborate, homecoming style dinner, dance, and celebration.
Far from it.
It can be difficult for people to come up with novel dating ideas as frequently as once per week, and sometimes they can really cut into your budget.
For very elaborate to semi-elaborate dates, anything from once every three weeks to once every two months will be fine.
This will vary depending on your own needs and desires.
Yet, having time set aside where a couple does something such as go for a walk for 30-60 minutes will do wonders for the feelz in the relationship.
And we know what more feels means.
Keep it Simple
While elaborate dates are great, at the end of the day it is all about the actual time spent together.
As mentioned above, a cup of coffee and a walk in the park is more than enough to show affection for your loved one(s).
But be sure to mix it up and at least once in a while go all out with the elaborate ideas.
Why two is Better Than one
A trick of the dating trade is to always do two activities.
Never just one.
Whenever two different activities, venues, or what have you are in the mix, a psychological phenomenon takes place.
Time suddenly distorts and you'll feel like you've been out on the date a lot longer, and the end of the day will appear to be nowhere in sight.
We're not sure why this happens, but having two activities available will deepen the bond and time spent between you and whoever you're with immeasurably.
Try it out!
Before we proceed, remember that consent is a must.
It is not optional.
Getting physically dominant can be fun provided that everyone is on the same page.
Hair pulling is a true illustration of dominance.
It says, "I'm going to cum inside you and by holding you, you cannot possibly escape it."
Before you get started though, be gentle.
It can be painful when done carelessly.
Have you ever wanted to be tied up?
Bondage can be a little frightening to people, so this is definitely something you need to ease into.
Start slowly with something like handcuffs, blindfolds, or ties, then move into the kinkier stuff.
Our obvious suggestion for getting started.
Experiment with holding the front and the back of the neck first before applying any pressure.
This move already adds a layer of dominance and submission into the sexual encounter, and most will enjoy it.
Actual choking seems to be different with respect to enjoyment.
Some people like it.
Some find it weird and don't understand why anyone would associate that with sex and intimacy.
Additionally, there is an actual technique to proper choking--it isn't merely 'grab the neck and squeeze.'
Check out this article here by Jerk Magazine (admittedly, we're not a fan of the website name, but the article does a fine job explaining what we mean.)
Spanking is meant to be an exciting but safe demonstration of power.
What makes it different from anything else is that it goes from implied power via positioning, handcuffs, etc. to an actual act of power in reality.
It heightens emotional intensity during sexual encounters and will--usually--result in a rush of dopamine to whoever is receiving the spanking.
Spanking may be the most primal move of dominant lovemaking there is.
Always Spank Safely
First and foremost, don't replicate what you've seen in porn.
Spanking porn has continually tried to one-up itself and has turned basically violent.
We're not trying to do that here.
Before you do anything else, start with a cupped hand as your 'intro-tool.'
You can introduce canes, whips, and paddles later.
Give your partner AND YOURSELF a few spanks, slowly increasing the intensity.
You need to be able to clearly distinguish between a light, gentle pat and, "Holy shit that hurts, stop!"
After you've experimented with a cupped hand, then you can flatten it out or move onto other things.
Furthermore, be sure to have a safeword if things get out of hand. Pun intended.
"Stop!" should do just fine, but yelling out the name of the local law enforcement firm works well too.
Often times people are turned on merely by the sound of getting spanked, so if you can make it sound loud without actually applying a lot of force--then by all means!
As you begin, start by only spanking the butt. Mix up your spanks and try spanking the sides, upper and lower, and even right in the middle.
It is padded and designed to take punishment.
If things start getting really red, you may need to slow down.
Lastly, a bare bottom is much safer to spank than a clothed ass.
One has to spank harder through clothing to get the same sound and that extra force might hurt too much.
It's Not For Everyone
You won't like everything you try in the bedroom.
This is normal.
A few of us at Sex Toys for Men are not into any bondage whatsoever--some to the point where it is flaccid-inducing.
But some of us are, and couldn't imagine a sex life without it.
Generally speaking, you'll probably find that out of everything sexual you try out, about 30% of it will stick.
In other words, you'll find that a lot of things are just a fun novelty, and others you'll find yourself repeating over and over.
So give bondage a shot, and if you don't like it, so what?
There's plenty more to try!
And if you do?
Well, you know what toys to start stock-piling underneath your bed.
We imagine you probably already have your favorites, as positions are usually the first thing people start experimenting with.
It's easy, you don't have to purchase anything, and you never know which angles will give you the most pleasure until you try them!
We've found two wonderful websites you must check out that you can use to further your knowledge:
You'll find the ones you already know--doggy, missionary, etc.--alongside some novel ones you probably have never tried.
Grab your compass and start exploring!
Aside from navigating the websites above, there are a couple that you absolutely must try immediately when you have the opportunity.
If you're wondering what in the world a sex pillow is, take a look here.
Chances are you haven't used one--most people haven't.
Prepare to go on a journey deep into the center of the earth.
Okay, not that far.
But you'll go on a deep journey, that's for sure.
It will fit neatly under your bed so you can take it out when the time is right.
If you choose to get one of these, we definitely recommend you don't tell your partner until you're about to get it out!
It'll take their breath away (quite literally) in the heat of passion to be tossed across it and pounded into the depths of oblivion.
Pillow Under the Butt
Similar to the wedged pillow, but different.
Placing a pillow under the butt can vastly improve the missionary position for some, to the point where it becomes their all-time favorite position.
Others may not.
You never know, so try it out.
Three's a party.
Threesomes are an interesting topic and are something we'd recommend reading a bit about before spontaneously going for it.
Occasionally the aftermath can be messy if you're not careful.
Becky's ticked because Sarah looked Tom in the eyes when she came instead of her.
Stuff like that.
We'd recommend perusing Reddit to get an idea from first-hand accounts.
Enough of that though--we're not your mother!--what positions should you try?
Take a look here, and if that's not enough, google should be able to help you out.
Things are getting wild now.
When the number of participants rises above three, four, or more, things can get crazy.
Again, take a peek on this site for some visuals, and then use google if you'd like to supplement that with even more.
Do you have any secrets or 'tricks of the trade' you'd like to share?
If so, we'd love to hear them.
To Be Continued in Part 4...
Read the next installment in this series here: Part 4
We referenced Athol Kay's writings in this article. He is a great resource for long-term relationship information.
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