The Concise Guide to Great Sex: Part 4 - Special Topics
Read the previous installments of this series here:
We're going to be biased here.
If you haven't tried a sex toy set, you're really missing out.
They can take things to a whole other level.
An entire world that you perhaps didn't even know existed will open up to you.
Orgasms will be plentiful, more intense, and easier to reach.
Moreover, the level of variety in the sex toy world will astound you.
Want to masturbate hands-free?
There's a toy for that
Want to have your erection enhanced while simultaneously having your prostate stimulated?
There's a toy for that.
Want to live out one of your dungeon-style fantasies?
There's a toy--or should we say toys--for that.
When you get down to it, there is really a toy for just about everything.
For those of you who have yet to try a sex toy, we get it, at first glance they can be intimidating.
Like all new things, our recommendation is to take it slow.
Ordering a 12" dildo right out the gate will probably be a mistake.
We suggest browsing through our catalog--either alone or with a partner--and then picking a thing or two to try out.
We also have a brief toy guide here that you can take a look at to help you out.
It can be something for adventurous solo play or something to add some spice to a romantic evening for two.
From there, you can proceed onto different and, dare we say, bigger things.
In brief, though, using sex toys is one of the best ways to turn any ordinary sex life into something extraordinary.
Many people are not often not open to exploring this body part, especially those of the heterosexual variety.
They're worried it will cause great pain and likewise don't find the prospect of it very arousing.
If both partners aren't on board with this activity, it is best kept off the table until everyone is excited about it.
Otherwise, it is likely it can be painful and unpleasant. Anxieties can cause the anal sphincter to tighten and attempting to push through this barrier will not feel so great.
That aside, let's get down to it.
Many people believe that anal intercourse hurts, and that pain is simply apart of the experience.
This is not true.
The anus, like the vagina, must become used to the activity.
Any woman who had sex for the first time will probably recall that it was uncomfortable and perhaps not very enjoyable.
Did they discontinue having sex altogether afterward?
Anal intercourse falls under this same guideline and individuals of both genders must become accustomed to the activity.
If there is any pain, this is a sign that something is amiss and not being performed correctly--not enough lubricant, the receiver is too tense, etc.
To ensure you have a pleasant time, we've outlined six key protocols that, if followed, should produce a delightful encounter.
The 6 Major Guidelines
1. Cleanliness is Essential
If you're exploring the south pole, cleanliness is a must.
It is not optional.
It is not something that is only done when convenient.
Carlessness in this area can result in very serious infections and health problems.
Once a sex toy or penis has been inserted anywhere in the rectum, you must clean it before putting it inside anything else.
Likewise, a bath or shower is a great way to start off the festivities and get everything going on the right foot.
If you'd like to make sure your love-cavern is squeaky clean, check out our anal douche.
2. Lubricant. Lots of Lubricant.
Anal penetration must always be accompanied by an ample supply of lubricant.
Water-based lubricants are latex-compatible and are our favorite in this respect.
Coconut oil is also an option we like.
The anus only produces a very small amount of mucus, and therefore an additional lubricant is always necessary.
The amount it produces is insufficient on its own.
3. If your partner says stop, STOP
Pushing yourself onto someone is bad.
Pushing yourself onto someone during anal intercourse is even worse.
If your partner is tense in any way, all anal penetration will cause pain.
A very poor or bad experience may make someone unlikely to try again if it is their first time.
This ties into our next point...
4. Go Slowly
What's the rush?
Their anus isn't going to run off and go somewhere.
If lubricated properly, an object should easily slide in and out without much force.
Moreover, if you make the experience free of pressure and take your time, your partner will thank you.
5. Communicate Clearly
How will you know if you or your partner are feeling discomfort?
It's the ol' relationship cliche.
Don't beat around the bush.
Don't assume they know what you like.
Don't be embarrassed (we're all kind of the same at the end of the day).
Be direct, clear, and open to their own preferences and feelings, as well as your own.
6. Actually Follow These Guidelines
Simply desiring anal intercourse is not enough to have pleasurable anal intercourse.
While this isn't rocket science, it isn't a handjob either.
There's much more to it than frantically moving one's hand up and down.
Take the right steps and do what needs to be done to please everyone involved.
To anal, or not to anal, that is the question.
This will be fully addressed in great detail another time, but we'll briefly answer this possibly pressing question.
Women experience pleasure through anal intercourse due to the clitoris extending into the 'anal-area.'
In other words, the clitoris is actually much larger than what you can visibly see, and the rest of it is hidden underneath a woman's body.
The rear side of the clitoris is able to be stimulated through anal penetration, and, furthermore, women are able to experience pleasure through pelvic muscle contractions--these occur during penetration and orgasm.
Men, on the other hand, experience pleasure via anal intercourse because of the positioning of the prostate gland.
When penetrated, pressure is able to be directly applied to the gland which can result in incredible orgasms.
Straight men, take notice.
Check out this page here for more information on finding the prostate.
Oral sex isn't just oral sex.
And that's a good thing.
It's either Fellatio or Cunnilingus.
Two distinctly different, yet similar acts.
Fellatio is oral sex performed on a man, while cunnilingus is oral sex performed on a woman.
So how do you have great Fellatio or Cunnilingus?
We're glad you asked...
Finding a favorable position for a blowjob is not a difficult task.
The key to making it great, however, is to make sure both parties are comfortable.
Sometimes a carpeted floor can be rough on the knees, for example.
Likewise, if you're going for some deep-throat action, you'll want to choose a position that aligns the angles of the penis and throat.
Check out Sex Info 101's oral sex position index if you'd like to see what else is out there aside from the standard positions you most likely have in mind.
Fellatio can either be the main course or an appetizer for something greater.
All great blow jobs should start with teasing, and if this is the only, 'event,' of the night, teasing is more essential than ever.
Sufficient teasing will create an optimal environment for a much more powerful orgasm, so unless you're performing an afternoon quickie or the like, don't skip it.
Begin by kissing and licking around the penis, inner things, testicles, and then slowly up the shaft towards the head of the penis.
Once you get there, use your tongue to tickle around the glans (the head of the penis) and moreover give some attention to the frenulum (the split underside of the head of the penis).
A "good" blowjob should not be too repetitive and should include some stroking using the hand and exploration of the testicles.
Mixing up your style will allow for your muscles and jaw to relax at times while simultaneously improving your performance.
If you keep an eye on his scrotum--the testicle 'sack'--you'll be able to gauge how close to cumming he is.
As a guy approaches climax, the skin on the scrotum will tighten and pull his testicles towards his body.
You can also mix things up by adding a flavored lubricant, whipped cream or food spreads, or adding a stimulator of some sort--think a cock ring or something to stimulate his prostate while you blow him.
Furthermore, if you want to add some flavor to the ejaculate, instead of eating loads of pineapple, supplement with Bromelain and you'll have some literal sweet tasting cum.
As always though, our favorite lube/flavored anything is our precious Extra Virgin Coconut Oil.
Lastly, if you plan to deep throat, you may need some time to train your gag reflex in order to ultimately take in the whole thing.
Like Fellatio, it is all about getting comfortable.
Again, peek at Sex Info 101's visual guides.
Here is one specifically on Cunnilingus.
Cunnilingus is all about the tongue.
The 'standard' movement is flicking the tongue up and down over the clitoris or side to side.
Similar to the aforementioned teasing techniques, we recommend that you take a similar approach.
Work either from the lower thigh up or stomach/belly-button down, and then ever so slowly approach the vaginal area.
From there, you can use a multitude of techniques:
- Run your tongue between the inner and outer labia one side at a time
- Move your tongue in and out of the vaginal opening--this is where the majority of nerve clusters are
- Spread the outer vaginal lips with your fingers and gently flick your tongue around the clitoris - feel free to roam here and there, but continue to come back to the clitoris, as women are the most sensitive there.
- Expose her clitoris by spreading her lips and lightly pulling back her hood and then begin to give it a nice sucking (we recommend pretending that you're sucking a bit of cake batter off your pinky -- thanks Sex Info 101!).
Once she is wet enough to have one or two fingers inserted, you can give her a wild time by fingering her while simultaneously licking her clitoris.
She may reach orgasm quickly with this method.
Having your hands continually explore her body throughout this entire encounter will make for a wonderful experience.
A good lover's hands never stop moving.
Furthermore, you can also experiment with the same suggestions we spoke about with respect to Fellatio--flavored lubricants, food, etc.
Finally, try having a mint in your mouth while performing this too, as it will add a tingly sensation to your licking that will enhance your performance.
Sex during Pregnancy
Pregnant sex is a doozy.
Again, let's get straight into it.
Pregnancy and Desire
First and foremost, many women will experience mood fluctuations alongside libido fluctuations.
This is normal and is to be expected.
Sometimes sex will be the last thing on your mind, sometimes it will be the only thing on your mind.
This is when changes first begin to appear.
Sex should be able to continue as normal since the fetus is still too small to get in the way.
If any position does feel somewhat uncomfortable though, skip over it.
Additionally, intimacy during pregnancy can help ease any early pregnancy symptoms and is an excellent way to quell any moodiness, decreases in energy, or nausea.
Lastly, it isn't uncommon about women worrying about their bedroom performance while pregnant.
Our two cents--be objective about it and don't be hard on yourself--your partner is on your side and knows that you're pregnant.
You wouldn't expect another woman to bring their A-game in this situation, so don't sweat it if you can't for now.
It is only a temporary state.
You'll be back to 100% in no-time.
Believe it or not, this is where things begin to get a bit easier.
Women typically feel great both physically and mentally during this time and subsequently see an increase in libido.
In fact, their libido can become so heightened that many women experience the best orgasms of their life during this period--both clitoral and g-spot.
Blood flow to the genital and nipple regions increases by upwards of 50% which is the cause for this phenomenon.
Get ready for some good times.
By the same token, if any positions feel uncomfortable in any way, simply skip over them and try another one.
It is also worth noting that you shouldn't be afraid of hurting the baby during intercourse.
The uterus is buffered from physical contact by the fluid in the amniotic sac (don't worry, we don't really know what that is either) and is completely safe and secure during playtime.
Libido usually continues to run high during this period, however, sexual positioning may prove to be more challenging due to the increase in fetus size.
Lying down on your side and penetrating from that angle will most likely become the go-to position.
It is not unusual for a woman to get winded very fast either, so relax if this happens.
The woman's body is pumping extra blood to the fetus so there is less oxygen available to the body for strenuous physical activity.
Finally, Oxytocin--the bonding hormone that is released during orgasm--can cause the body to spontaneously go into labor as the due date approaches.
The body becomes temporarily hypersensitive to the hormone during the third trimester, so this is something to keep in mind during sexual encounters that are very close to the due date.
When in Doubt, rub one out
If a pregnant woman is dying to get off and there is difficulty finding the right position, dealing with the fetus size, etc., don't fret, we have the solution for you.
It's called The Magic Wand.
And, indeed, is it magical.
Yep, we're leaving no stone unturned.
Hot to some.
Disgusting to others.
Let's find out how to make it great.
Similar to pregnancy, women experience fluctuating libidos during this time.
Some are hornier than ever, and some don't even want to think about genitals, let alone see some.
Moreover, on a physical level, some men and women are grossed out by the thought of blood during intimacy.
There are also a multitude of historical and social reasons that account for the taboo surrounding this topic, however, this isn't something we're going to go into detail right now.
So taboo or not, how can you have great menstrual sex?
A woman's desire fluctuates throughout the month.
Libido peaks during ovulation--when the eggs are released from the ovaries--and just before or just after menstruation.
In other words, while all women enjoy a high sex drive during ovulation, sex drive varies from woman to woman when they're menstruating.
In addition, the hormones released during the female orgasm can aide in easing any menstrual cramps.
So, a heightened sex drive with the added benefit of endorphin-releasing orgasms to ease any pain... what's not to like?
For some, it's merely the fact that a taboo exists that puts them off.
For others, it could be a blood phobia, unpleasant smells, or texture.
Lastly, if you're unsure about the STD/STI status of a woman currently menstruating, this is a factual reason to avoid intercourse as the risk of transmitting a blood-borne STD/STI is much higher.
So, messy or not, you decide to go for it.
To ensure an optimal experience, we'd recommend laying down a towel or wet cloth.
Likewise, you could add to the experience by jumping into the shower together for an enjoyable post-sex scrub down.
Skipping the towel set-up altogether and choosing to have sex in the shower is another option - no clean up required!
Furthermore, it would behoove you to make orgasms a priority if for whatever reason they are usually not.
If there is a time to have one, it's when a woman is on her period.
If penetrative sex during menstruation is totally off the table, what should you do instead?
Options include mutual masturbation, sex toys (one for her, one for him), anal sex, or even, 'Inter-mammary intercourse,' that is, rubbing the penis between the woman's breasts to simulate vaginal intercourse.
Next on our list is one we're sure you're all familiar with...
No man usually needs to be trained on how to properly 'beat his meat.'
After some experimentation, our hands quickly find the optimal way to give us a good time.
To bring your hand-game to a whole new level though, we'll let you in on our tricks of the trade:
- With your free hand, try gently pulling the scrotum downwards just prior to and during ejaculation. This allows you to feel the fluids passing through the scrotum and groinal area which some find quite pleasurable.
- Experiment with the prostate gland. Try using a butt plug, or our personal favorite, a prostate massager.
- Try using a masturbation sleeve. Give both the vibrating and non-vibrating variations a try.
- Use a penis pump prior to masturbation. The blood engorging the penis can heighten your senses and make orgasms particularly intense.
- Give an automatic masturbator a shot. See what it's like to be served hands-free by a robotic friend.
- Experiment with different lotions, lubricants, and oils. You never know what you'll like, especially if you have a partner who doesn't enjoy certain products.
Click here to see all our masturbators for men.
Okay, ladies, you're up next...
We're sure you're now wondering how you can also bring your solo play up a notch.
We're here for you:
- Clitoral Stimulation: Using your hands and fingers, stimulate your clitoris by how you see fit--rubbing stroking, etc. Some prefer the area around the clitoris if it is too sensitive, or having a layer of fabric between their fingers and clitoris.
- G-Spot Stimulation: It can be difficult to adequately stimulate the g-spot with your fingers, so many women choose to employ a sex toy for this one. There are vibrators specifically for hitting the G-spot, and some that stimulate both the clitoris and g-spot simultaneously.
- Vibrators: We've mentioned this one above, but commonly you'll find non-penetrative vibrators will be your weapon of choice--the magic wand!
- Everyday Objects: Pillows, corners of the couch--if you enjoy it, use it! Providing it is safe, of course.
- The Shower: Most people are familiar with this one, and if you haven't tried it, be sure to give it a go. It's not uncommon that many women have their first experiences with masturbation because of this. If your shower has a detachable shower-head, control the water into a pulsating, steady stream, then enjoy. Avoid sending this water directly into the vagina, it's dangerous!
Click here to see all our masturbators for women--yes, we have a few!
Multiple Orgasms for Men
And yes, it seems that your average masturbatin' joe is unaware that it is even a possibility.
This is an entire book within itself, so check it out here if you're interested.
We CANNOT recommend this enough.
If you've been jealous of women cumming more than once, be jealous no more.
If having an incredible sex life is important to you, this is something you CANNOT miss out on.
Moreover, Kegels are a must if you want to do this.
Squirting Orgasms for Women
NSFW Links incoming.
Although this entire site is essentially NSFW, we just thought it would be fair to give notice.
The following links are all to the same video, but one may work better for you than the other.
The video you're about to see will do this technique more justice than explaining it via a paragraph.
Be sure to test this technique out on a willing lady friend.
She'll probably be more than happy to have been your test subject.
If your partner is a woman, add in the 'squirting-fingering technique' to go alongside your bull penis.
If your partner is a man, both of you should read up on becoming multi-orgasmic.
Let us know below if you have any tips of your own you'd like to share!
We want to hear from you!
To Be Continued in Part 5...
Read the next installment in this series here: Part 5
Also a big thank you and round of applause to Sex Info 101, where we did a lot of our research for this article.
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